JC Disciples
Co-dependence: Healing the Human Condition, by Charles L. Whitfield, MD
Co-dependence: Healing the Human Condition by Charles Whitfield is a detailed study of codependency. Whitfield describes the various ways in which codependence presents itself in adults and the process through which this condition develops in children who grow up in a dysfunctional family. Rather than present a limited treatment to counter the codependent behavior, Whitfield presents a plan of recovery through a series of stages in which each stage moves closer to the wounded child lying at the heart of the codependent behavior. In addition to illustrating the individual journey out of codependence to health, Whitfield also demonstrates the prevalence of this condition in modern society.
Understanding of codependent behaviors has been a fairly recent development in the field of psychology. These behaviors first came to light when the study of alcoholism expanded to look at the family members around the alcoholic. Codependency has been described in many ways since the term first came into being. Whitfield defines codependence as: "A multidimensional (physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual) condition manifested by any suffering and dysfunction that is associated with or due to focusing of the needs and behaviors of others." Codependence is a learned and acquired pattern of behavior with its roots in the development of the affected person. Because a lost sense of self lies at the heart of the condition, a codependent is focused on others and has distorted personal boundaries; the problems with personal boundaries and the constant external focus lead to difficulties in relationships. This condition is primary, chronic, and progressive. It can be treated; however, if it is not, it is ultimately as destructive to the life of the person as cancer is to the human body.
The roots of codependency lie in some childhood trauma. Generally it is inflicted by one or both of the child's parents through abuse, neglect, effects of a parent's addiction, or by projection of the parent's own codependency onto the child. The wound produces feelings of pain and grief in the child. However, the dysfunctional family structure fails to acknowledge the pain and to support the child in grief. In order to function within the family, the child suppresses the grief. As the process repeats, the child gradually loses awareness of his "true self," his natural feelings, his own perceptions, his native reactions to the situation and a codependent self develops in the place of this lost "true self."
According to Whitfield, recovery from codependence is a journey through stages. Recovery begins at Stage 0 when the codependent is treated for some outward problem: addiction, compulsion, depression, problems with stress or anxiety, or relationship difficulties. Once the presenting problem is treated, the codependent is able to realize the problem resulted from a failed attempt to fill an inner emptiness. This is Stage 1. In Stage 2 of recovery, the person begins to address the traumas from childhood with the accompanying feelings of shame, guilt, and anger. The final stage, Stage 4, addresses the fear, usually of abandonment, which sent the "true self" into hiding. Although his basis is more "new age" than Christian, Whitfield emphasizes the importance of spirituality in recovery. He sees codependence as a block to a full and proper relationship with God and considers this relationship essential to having a fulfilling life.